Topics: dating and relationship advice for women, signs of a toxic relationship, healing after a breakup

 

 

Dating and relationship advice for women…that feels kinder + more intuitive

 

In this powerful conversation, dating and relationship coach Mariana Moreno joins us to talk about the kind of love that feels safe, peaceful, and lasting—the kind that lifts you up instead of leaving you questioning your worth.

Mariana goes beyond dating “rules” and fantasy expectations to explore how to filter out toxic advice, tune into your inner voice, and reflect on the real question: Is this relationship nourishing me—or draining me?

We talk about self-worth, moving on after heartbreak, and how to stop chasing fantasy love so you can finally recognize the real thing.

Listen in and discover:

• Emotional safety in dating
• Why self-esteem sets the tone for the love you accept
• What healthy “moving on” really looks like after a painful breakup
• Filtering harmful dating advice
• The one question to ask on every first date
• How to manage relationship baggage—like jealousy and fear—without pushing love away

 

 

TIMESTAMPS

• 00:33 – Signs of a Safe and Fulfilling Relationship
• 03:52 – Healing After an Emotionally Abusive Relationship
• 06:01 – The One Question to Ask If You’re Unsure About Them
• 15:44 – How to Move On from a Breakup in a Healthy Way
• 22:10 – The Link Between Self-Worth and the Love You Accept

 

💬 This episode is for anyone who’s ever felt trapped in an unhealthy dynamic, struggled to move on, or is asking why the kind of connection they want keeps slipping away.

 

🎧 If you’ve ever wondered why you haven’t found the relationship you need, this episode might hold the answer.

 

 

ABOUT MARIANA MORENO

Mariana Moreno is a certified life and dating/relationship coach. She is dedicated to helping women heal, build self-worth, and create the healthy, aligned relationships they deserve. After navigating her own journey through toxic love and deep personal transformation, Mariana now supports others in breaking unhealthy patterns and reconnecting to their inner truth.

With over 190,000 followers on Instagram, she brings a refreshing mix of honesty, warmth, and wisdom to conversations around modern dating, self-love, and emotional growth. Whether she’s coaching one-on-one clients or sharing relationship insights online, Mariana’s mission is to guide women back to themselves—so they can choose love from a place of clarity, not fear.

 

CONNECT

Instagram: @freespiritedlatina 
Tiktok:@freespiritedlatina
Website: https://www.spiritedlatina.com/ 

 

💫 Mentioned: The Mastery of Love by Don Miguel Ruiz

 

LISTEN TO NEXT
Episode: Unlock Emotional Resilience with Dr. Nicole (ep #292)

 

 

 

MORE ON THIS DATING & RELATIONSHIP PODCAST EPISODE

 

“If you knew for sure you’d be happy without them—would you still stay?” – Mariana Moreno, Dating & Relationship Coach

 

• Emotional safety is the foundation of any relationship
• Self-worth determines the love you accept
• You don’t need to be fully healed to deserve love
• Healing requires feeling, not avoiding
• Filter out dating advice that disconnects you from your intuition

 

 

Have you ever asked yourself, “Is this person good for my soul?”

 

Not “Are they hot?” or “Do we have chemistry?”—but something deeper. Something that calls you back to yourself. Because here’s the truth: real love isn’t about butterflies, grand gestures, or perfectly curated social media moments. It’s about emotional safety, self-respect, and connection that expands you instead of shrinking you.

And yet, so few of us were taught how to recognize that.

In this episode of Feel Good Nakd, dating and relationship coach Mariana Moreno joins us for a grounded, thoughtful conversation on how to stop following viral dating scripts—and start dating with clarity and compassion. If you’ve ever felt confused about modern love, this is the conversation you didn’t know you needed.

 

The Overlooked Signs of a Toxic Relationship

Let’s start with what so many of us miss: the subtle patterns we’ve been conditioned to accept as normal. Mariana shares that toxic dynamics aren’t always loud. Sometimes they show up as the joke that stings, the apology that never comes, or the constant unease you learn to live with.

“It takes two to tango in a toxic relationship,” she says. “If I would’ve removed myself, it would’ve been done.”

It’s a painful realization—but also a liberating one. When we become aware of the signs of a toxic relationship, we reclaim the power to say no more. And that clarity doesn’t just protect us in romance; it transforms how we relate in friendships, family, and work too.

 

Healing After a Breakup: Presence Over Distraction

We’re often told to move on fast. Get back out there. Stay busy. But that approach can quietly extend our pain.

True healing after a breakup requires presence. Mariana encourages us to pause and ask the hard questions: Why didn’t this work? What do I want to create moving forward?

“Healing requires presence,” she says. “You have to feel it all.”

It’s not about wallowing—but about honoring what your body is trying to tell you. And when you sit with that discomfort, instead of escaping it, you begin to create the space for something different.

 

The One Question That Changes Everything

There’s one moment in the conversation that hits like a truth-bomb (the gentle kind).

Mariana asks, “If you knew for certain that you’d be happy without this person—would you still stay?”

It’s a disarming, powerful question. One that bypasses all the excuses and cuts right into the heart of clarity. If the only thing keeping you in a relationship is fear of being alone, it may not be love. It may be survival.

This question—along with others she shares—helps illuminate your own truth, not someone else’s opinion. It’s the kind of dating advice for women that centers intuition over tactics.

 

Redefining Dating Advice for Women

Let’s talk about the elephant in the room: the overwhelming, often toxic dating advice for women floating around online.

From scripts to rules to strategies that ask us to withhold, pretend, or chase—none of it works if it disconnects you from your own voice.

“If you want to text them and it feels right, just do it,” Mariana urges. “The right person will accept your wholeness.”

So many women have been taught that expressing desire is “too much.” But your clarity is not neediness. Your honesty is not weakness. And the person who can meet you there? That’s real connection.

 

Why Self-Worth is the Real Matchmaker

What we believe we deserve is what we tend to allow. Mariana shares a powerful metaphor from The Mastery of Love that makes this crystal clear:

Imagine your emotional kitchen is empty—everything spoiled. Someone shows up with a $5 cold pizza. You’re starving. So you accept it.

Now imagine your kitchen is full of nourishing, beautiful food. When the same pizza shows up? You say, no thanks. Because you’re not hungry for scraps anymore.

This is what self-worth does. When you treat yourself with kindness and consistency, you stop settling for relationships that feel like crumbs.

“The moment we talk to ourselves with love, we stop entertaining what doesn’t align.”

 

Real Love Isn’t a Rom-Com

We don’t need more perfection—we need more presence. More emotional safety. More conversations that remind us what’s possible when we stop performing and start listening inward.

Whether you’re healing after a breakup, navigating new love, or simply ready to see things differently, this episode invites you back to yourself. And that’s where love really begins.

So the next time you’re wondering, Is this chemistry or clarity?—pause. Come back to your body. And ask the question that truly matters: Is this person good for my soul?

 

 

RESOURCES
7 Steps to Feel Good Nakd book
The Rio Home Workout Plan
Podcast Mentorship

 

CONNECT
Instagram: @itschardet

 

 

Full Transcript on Dating and Relationships with Mariana Moreno

 

Chardét (00:00)
When you think about most of the conversations we have every day, so many of them are around dating and love and relationships. Either we’re personally struggling with it or the friend, the family member, the business partner, the colleague is. And all of us are just trying to find our way to relationships that really make us feel good.

be they romantic or otherwise. And so this is a really interesting episode because I’m speaking with someone who has such a beautiful, intuitive, kind approach to this. Her name is Mariana Moreno. She is a certified life and dating relationship coach. And she is all about helping you find the answers within to really create relationships that…

are lasting, that are fulfilling. And so in this conversation, we’ll talk all about that. But we’re also going to talk about what are some of the blocks and the patterns that we have that stop us from finding the right person. And this could also be with friendships as well. So this is really an episode for anyone, whether you are single or not, there is definitely going to be some questions in here that make you think and some guidance on how to feel just more connected to those around you.

Get ready to feel good naked. I’m your host, Sade, and if you’re here right now, means that you are ready to strip away all the crap, all the rules holding you back from feeling good in your body, in your mind, and in your life. Let’s get into it.

Mariana (01:41)
I ultimately just want to guide people to be so in touch with themselves, be so at peace that the relationships that they create, not only romantic, right, but also with friendships, with family members, to be fulfilling, to be peaceful, really aware of that and intentional with the people they surround themselves with.

Chardét (02:00)
But I like that you said not just romantic relationships because kind of the stuff we’ll talk about bleeds into everything, doesn’t it?

Mariana (02:07)
And

I do focus on dating and relationships, but all the advice that I give and all the things that I talk about can be applied for friends, for family, for your workplace, right? It looks a little bit different with each, but ultimately it falls under the same umbrella.

Chardét (02:24)
What kind of got you started into doing this? What made you think, really want to help guide people to have these peaceful relationships, to have them be fulfilling?

Mariana (02:33)
I mean, I have a background in being in very emotional abusive relationship. I was in one for five years. And so that alone taught me so much when I got out of it. And I knew that if I would have had a coach, I would have had a voice saying the things that I say now, I wouldn’t have stayed for so long. I also just saw so much advice circulate.

circulating online that I was like, this is even more harmful, right? And there’s so many young men and women watching these TikTok videos, watching these reels, listening to advice that is just honestly very harmful. And so I wanted to be that voice, that warm, compassionate voice that kind of speaks to people and says, hey, this is normal, this isn’t. And not that there’s one right way to do things, but the underlying…

of everything should be. Does this bring me peace? Do I feel safe here?

Chardét (03:27)
of the one question that never comes up when you’re thinking about evaluating a relationship, right? It’s the number one that should, like, do I feel safe here? And even not just romantic, but even friendships, ultimately, do I feel safe? Do you, what was kind of the path that you took then from you left the relationship, you started your healing process, and then you felt like, let me be this guide to people.

Mariana (03:52)
After my breakup, there was a long breakup. It wasn’t a peaceful one, right? So that alone also taught me how to deal with bad breakups because not all endings are, okay, we’re going our separate ways. Some of it can be a lot of just a lot of things that aren’t, know, harassment, all of those things. It’s not always easy to leave. It’s not always safe to leave. I could either go down the path of this was terrible for me. I’m going to be a victim or I can build myself up. I can learn so I don’t repeat that cycle ever again. I don’t.

get into in a relationship like that.

ever again, I didn’t want that. And so talking about things, right online, I started posting reels and slowly but surely I built an audience. And so it just brought me so much joy to be able to share loving messages that I know can help people even if it’s just one video and I get DMs all the time, hey, this really helped me out. I’m really struggling. So sometimes that’s all people need to hear maybe a 30 second video, they don’t even have to do coaching with me, but something that can feel like a warm hug of, okay, I’m not alone.

Right, there’s people that have dealt with this. And so since I dealt with that toxic relationship, I knew what it’s like. I know some of the signs. I know how to guide people. Okay, this is not normal for you to feel like this, right? Because oftentimes, well, this is normal. ⁓ It’ll be fine. You brush it away. But it’s like, help people. I ask questions, you know, that makes them reflect because you can’t tell people what to do.

Ultimately, they have to arrive at their own decision and do things on their own, but I want to be that voice to make something twice.

Chardét (05:26)
You said something which is so true here that you can’t just tell people, especially in relationships. I think it’s so hard to tell someone when it can be so obvious to you as an outsider that that person is not good for your friend, your parent, your sister, whoever, but they don’t hear it if you tell them and you obviously don’t want them to experience like rock bottom. ⁓

trying to get them to reflect. What are some of the questions that you have found have been most helpful that you either ask online or that you ask with clients that make them pause and think, ⁓ wait.

Mariana (06:01)
One

of my favorite questions to ask is if you knew for certain that you would succeed and be happy without this person, that everything would turn out fine, would you still stay with them? People are like, wait, because many times people don’t leave a relationship, well, I don’t want to be alone or I’m fearful that I won’t find somebody else or you know, there’s all these fears surrounding. But if you could for sure know that you’d be okay, would you stay with them? And if it’s a healthy relationship, it’s like, of course, because I’m happy now, right? So that’s an easy way to answer. But if not,

They think, well, actually, you know I wouldn’t want to be with them. So it’s like, huh. And another one, and I know this probably a lot of people have heard this question, but I think it’s an important one to ask. There was nothing that your partner would change right now about them. Would you marry them? Would you be happy with how they are right now? Because a lot of people date the fantasy, right? It’s like, okay, maybe once he or she fixes this about themselves, it’ll be perfect in this and maybe I can help them. And it’s like your

trying to fix and do all these things, but you are with that person right now. It is the present version of themselves who you are dating. It doesn’t matter. There’s no future or past right now. Who are you dating right now and are you happy with that?

Chardét (07:13)
Those are both ones that really make you reflect because instantly the answer pops in your head even if you don’t want it to be or you think you don’t want it to be that one. always

Mariana (07:23)
I

recently came out with just a clarity journal where I ask these type of questions so people can sit down and answer them. And I always say, write down the first word that comes to mind. Don’t sit there and then think about it because then the other voices come in and it’s no your thoughts anymore and so it all gets jumbled. the first word, even if it doesn’t make sense, whatever comes to mind after you read that question because that’s your intuition, that’s your gut feeling, that’s your inner voice coming out because you’re finally letting it come out.

Chardét (07:52)
reflect on their own experiences and maybe relationships that they left and didn’t realize why or didn’t work out and they realize now that perhaps that was for the better. Before we started recording, were saying and you even mentioned earlier about how there’s a lot of advice online about dating and relationships and not all of it.

is as helpful as this, right? Not all of it is as reflective as what we just said. What do you think are some of the biggest misconceptions, myths, blocks that are really being normalized and kind of popularized?

Mariana (08:25)
One major one that I can think of that I see so so much is we hear the phrases, if he wanted to he would. But real love exists in the messiness of everyday life, right? People have off days, they get tired.

they miss things and that doesn’t mean that they don’t care. So we need to stop chasing this fantasy and start accepting people as they are. You can’t look for perfection on any partner. So while you can still have these honest conversations, right? If someone, you’re not feeling loved, something is amiss, you communicate that. But again, real love is imperfect and intentional. so…

where a lot of people fall is like, okay, once I myself, well, he doesn’t care about me. And they go down this line of, okay, I need him to go all out and get me flowers every day and do this and all that. That’s just not how it works. As long as they treat you with respect, right? If it falls under, okay, they’re actually being harmful to you, okay, that’s different. But we can’t expect perfection out of our partners and we have to meet them where they are sometimes.

Chardét (09:30)
This is such an important thing to emphasize because I feel like, so I am married, I’ve been in my relationship for 14 years. I have a lot of friends who are single and have been for a long time and I feel like the biggest issue that I see is what you said, expecting perfection and when it’s not there, then just backing away instead of having the conversation or really evaluating because there are so many, like I’m gonna tell people, there are so many

that happen when you’re in marriage. Like there are things that that person is going to do and you’re just like, no. Right? On both sides. It’s just how it is. It’s like, it’s not a rom-com. Overall, like what you said, is there love? Is there respect? Are you feeling like your better self is coming out because of that person? Is so true. So I like that you brought that up because I do feel like it’s a defense mechanism sometimes of like, well, I don’t want to be hurt. They did something. I’m done. I’m not going to take a chance anymore.

Mariana (10:28)
go through it. So I mean, we’re human, right? think at the end of the day, we have to remember that and again, life is not a rom-com. It’s just not. And it’s hard now too. It’s social media. You see the highlight reels. Like he got me flowers and this brand name, like watch or all these things. But at the end of the day, sweep away all the superficiality of things. How do you feel internally with this person? Do you feel better about yourself? Are you growing? The things that matter not did he get me flowers? that’s nice.

We have to look deep down as to is this person good for me, my soul?

Chardét (11:01)
getting flowers, getting candy. Someone could be an absolute narcissist and do that for you. Like it’s not a badge of achievement if there’s not the underlying stuff underneath it. Like are they actually there in ways that truly matter for you? Not because they didn’t show up with a butt, like a dozen roses. What else do you think is harmful for people to hear? Maybe it’s, and it might not even just be about just anything that you feel like might be misdirecting people or stopping them from connecting.

Mariana (11:31)
There’s all this advice on what to do, this is how to deal with it, this is doing exactly this and that. And I mean in terms of, okay, if he does this thing, you do this. There’s a book I’m not a fan of. I forget the title of the name and it’s this whole set of rules and you have to do this and that. And it’s like a how-to, right? On how you want men to want you more.

If it goes against who you are, I always stress this to some of my clients. If you want to text them right away after the date, say, hey, I had a great time, but your voice is saying, well, it might seem needy, just do it because the right person will accept your wholeness and your authentic self. And so the moment we tap into, well, I shouldn’t do this because I heard this online or I shouldn’t do this. They’re not getting to know the real you. And ultimately they’ll get to know the real you. And if you were showing up as not yourself,

they might not accept that later on and there will be more pain. And so I think showing up authentically doesn’t matter what you hear online. And if it feels right to you and you feel called to do it, tap into that and do it. As long as it’s not harmful to you, right? People need to start acting based on what feels right for them. What sits well with you, not what you heard because there’s always going to be rules. They’re always going to be changing. As we know, society trends, everything’s like so

fast paced and moving. So tune in, I always tell people sit with yourself, sit in silence. What feels right to you in our bodies will tell us, right? When something feels off, we just feel that tightness here, you feel the tightness in your chest. If something feels right, it feels like a, you know, a deep breath. Oh, it feels right to me, I don’t care if people think that’s cringe, I don’t care if people might be turned off by that, it feels right to me, so you do it.

Chardét (13:17)
wish that I had heard this so much longer ago and I hope that people really take it because it is, it made me think of something I’ve been talking about recently with my husband or that he told me about which is the idea and it’s gonna sound so weird to bring this into the dating world but the idea of resulting or when you do something, if you do something the way you wanted to do it, you follow the process and you don’t get the result you wanted, you think that

it was wrong, what you did was wrong because of the result. If the result had been good, then you would say, I did the right thing, right? And this is such a case of that where if you follow your gut and your intuition and you text the next day because it feels right and you felt that connection and then they don’t respond the way you want and they end up being an asshole, then you still did the right thing for you, even if the result was shitty, right?

You are listening to yourself. And I think that is such good advice. It’s such good advice.

Mariana (14:16)
Going off of that too, and I was talking to a client yesterday who was trying to make a decision, and I just told him there is no right or wrong decision. The right decision will always be the decision you arrive to. And so, once you arrive at the decision, you can’t go back on it and say, well, what if I would have done this? Well, you didn’t. This is your reality and this is the one you were meant to arrive on, so embrace it fully. People get so stressed. Should I break up with him or not? Should I break up with her?

Just slow down, there is no right or wrong decision. It’s the decision that feels right to you, and that’s it. My main thing with coaching my clients is I will never tell you what to do, because that wouldn’t serve them, right? You have to arrive at these answers yourself, so I always tell them there is no right or wrong decision, it’s just the decision that’s right for you.

Chardét (15:01)
Because otherwise you spend so much energy just thinking about what you should have, could have, would have done and you don’t focus on what the reality is now. Like how do I respond now? Because I’ve already sent that text or I already had the argument or I already cut off the relationship. Like this is my reality now. So what do I do? You kind of already shared some of them, some of the patterns that you see in clients and people. Are there other things that you really noticed maybe stop people from?

Let’s start with moving on, because I think that’s a really hard one. So moving on from something that didn’t work out, be it a date, a situationship, a serious relationship. What is stopping us from going forward when we know that that’s over and it’s done?

Mariana (15:44)
And I say this to my clients all the time, the main advice I give to people trying to move on is to just feel it all because oftentimes people want to distract themselves. People want to run away from it. I want to forget about him. I want to forget about her. I’m just going to keep myself busy. I’m going to go do fun things. And while that’s important, it’s good for you to go see your friends. It’s good for you to have a good time. It’s also a sacred invitation for you to return to yourself, to return to that pain, to really feel it.

try to listen to what it’s trying to tell you because healing requires presence, right? And ask yourself, and I think these are important questions you need to ask yourself when you’re going through a breakup, when you’re trying to move on. Why didn’t it work? Right? What patterns do I want to leave behind? What do I want to create moving forward? Been there, trust me, it feels awful, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel and you’ll come out on the other side, softer, stronger, wiser.

if you take the time to reflect.

Chardét (16:43)
Yeah, because otherwise if you’re just escaping from them, like you said, you know, going and doing the fun thing or hopping to the next temporary person, the time to heal takes longer than it would do if you just sat with the discomfort a little bit and allowed yourself to feel that. Or like we had talked a little bit before, is you repeat the same pattern because you haven’t reflected on what happened.

Mariana (17:07)
and I have to call out some of my clients sometimes in my sessions when they paint themselves as a victim entirely and when it’s something toxic I had to look deep within myself with my own past toxic relationship like it takes two to tango a toxic relationship happens because two people are in it if I would have removed myself it would have been done

I would have stepped away because I didn’t want to accept that, but I didn’t. I played into it. And so it’s figuring out, okay, what could I have changed? So I don’t repeat that in my next relationship. So yes, it’s so, so, so important to look deep inside yourself, be honest and raw and it’s fine. And I think sometimes there’s a lot of shame with it. So you don’t want to face it.

Chardét (17:48)
We’ve just talked about what happens when you’re in the healing from heartbreak, let’s say. And heartbreak doesn’t necessarily need to be like you were so, so in love with the person. It could be like how we were talking about that you just really invested and intertwined and you’re healing from that. What about in terms of when it comes to finding someone new that really is a safe, secure person? What do you think are some of the patterns or blocks you see there that are stopping people?

Mariana (18:16)
baggage

from a previous relationship, right? Your partner tweeted on you, of course, you’re going to have these trust issues. So I think it’s important for you not to keep those in because this person that you’re with has to know, I dealt with this, I may have some triggers. It’s that communication. And sometimes people just want to forget about it. They push it down. It’s like, this love is new, but

if that jealousy pops up, it’s gonna pop up, right? Those trust issues are gonna pop up. So it’s being very, very communicative with your partner and say, okay, I dealt with this in my last relationship. I need you to hold space for me and not take it out on them, right? Not right away assume that they’re also cheating. It’s that communication. And if they’re a good person, if they’re a safe space, they will understand, they will talk things through with you, but it’s communicating that pain. think sometimes we wanna forget about it. And so people…

push it down. And I also want to point out, you don’t have to be 100 % healed for you to deserve love and to find somebody. Sometimes people will feel like, no, I’m not completely healed. I don’t want to bring this person into this mess. And they push them away. That’s, you know, you’re blocking potential love and a beautiful relationship. And so it’s about communication. And that’s all right, you don’t have to be 100 % healed and perfect for you to deserve love and a nice partner.

Chardét (19:38)
If you don’t allow yourself to have that, you also take away the possibility that this person is part of your whole healing journey, whether or not you end up together. I know that for me, that was definitely the case, that I came into this relationship very scarred and a lot of abandonment issues. And I definitely like lashed out and did some things, but it was…

okay in the end because of what you said where I said, I like talked about it, right? I gave context. They said this happened to me in these relationships, not just romantically, but like also with family, also with this stuff that has happened. And that allows the person to see, okay, I see where this is coming from and we can, and they can decide if they want to be a part of that or not. You know, they are free agents and they can leave as well.

Mariana (20:24)
that doesn’t mean that you’re not lovable. If that does happen, you have to understand a person may not want that and that doesn’t make them a bad person, right? So I think sometimes, especially when you have friends, it’s like, how could he? F him. And it’s like, no, we can’t.

start in that place of hate, it’s like you respect their decision. And that’s also another thing I want to talk about in relationships. People do get very attached, right? It’s natural. We love them. But sometimes we slowly take away their freedom. Well, don’t hang out with this person and don’t do this and don’t do that. It’s like you have to let them be. If you’re afraid that if they hang out with this other person, they might break up with you or you fear that you will lose them. That wasn’t the person for you. The right person will stay that you won’t

to grip so tight, they’ll want to stay there because they love you and they respect you and they love spending time with you. So it’s not about forcing, you have to let your partner be free and that can be hard sometimes, right? But you have to let them be.

Chardét (21:19)
Yeah, that is a big pattern that I’ve seen too with when you’re in the relationship that kind of sabotages it a little bit or leads to conflict is this like trying to force control or force certain behavior. If that person does what you’re most afraid that they will do, then you don’t want to be with them anyways because imagine being stuck with someone like that for years and finding out later like it’s just best to…

let them be their full person and you can actually get to know who that is. When you’re guiding people through all these different, you know, issues with relationships because there’s so much that comes and pops up, I know that a big thing you talk about and I fully agree with this here and I’d love to hear more on your perspective is that link between your self-esteem and your relationships, like the reality of them that happen. ⁓

Mariana (22:10)
I love this topic because they’re so intertwined, right? A lot of people expect that once they are with the right partner, they will 100 % feel secure, that our partner is supposed to, you know, erase all our insecurities and, you know, we’ll be perfect and we won’t feel anything like difficult within ourselves if we are with the right partner. But one that

puts too much power in someone else’s hands, right? Yes, it helps that our partner shows up consistently, but true security comes from us, how we feel about ourselves. If you’re constantly battling insecurity, it’s designed to look inward. Why do you feel this way? And so doing that inner work alone and not putting it on somebody else. Another thing that I think there’s why it’s so intertwined, I love this passage from, I don’t know if you’ve read the book, Mastery of Love.

To all the listeners, read that book, Mastery of Love. It’s one of my all time by Dunme entries. And basically he talks about, say you’re in your kitchen in your house and there’s rotten food everywhere. You can’t find anything to eat. Everything is spoiled. And then you hear a knock on the door and you open it and it’s like this $5 cheese pizza. It looks kind of cold, not the best, but you’re like, my goodness, this looks so good because everything in your house is spoiled. So you are gobbling it in, right?

You’re gonna accept it. In another scenario, let’s say your kitchen is fully stocked, organic foods, tasty treats. You are in like paradise, yummy foods everywhere. And then somebody knocks on the door and they have this like $5 cheap pizza. You’re be like, no thanks, I got great food in here. And that’s exactly what happens with relationships. If you feel so good about yourself and you treat yourself with respect and love and compassion and acceptance and somebody comes in and

starts calling you names, you’re gonna say, bye bye, I don’t need this in my life. But if you’re constantly putting yourself down, calling yourself names, saying you’re not good enough and somebody does the same, it’s gonna feel familiar and it’s gonna feel like home and then you’re gonna accept that, but it’s not good for you. That’s why it’s so important for us to build ourselves up so fully so that when a love arose, it matches, it aligns to what we’re giving ourselves.

Chardét (24:28)
biology is really powerful because it also touches on the idea of if you’re wasting your time on that $5 cold pizza, you’re not going to see like the next buffet that rolls in that’s ideal for you in other ways because you’re occupied already and your attention is not there. And it’s always something I wondered about because I would see different people accepting treatment that felt so obviously wrong.

And the only thing that you could really point to is, like, how are they feeling about themselves? What is it that they’re dealing with internally that allows that to be okay?

Mariana (25:06)
I mean, it’s hard work, right? We’re always going to have insecurities. ⁓

gonna have to constantly work on it because we also go through different phases in our lives that, you know, are gonna change how we feel sometimes. Life is already so tough. I always tell people, like, if you’re climbing Mount Everest, you’re not gonna be punching yourself up. That’s just making your journey harder. Why would you start beating yourself up while you’re climbing a super hard mountain? You wanna cheer yourself and say, can do it, I can do it, I’m capable. It just, makes your life easier. Watching that internal dialogue is key. If you forget something, people will be like,

I’m so stupid, I forgot that. And they think it’s casual, but language matters. Just say, I forgot it, it happens. Little shifts like that, even throughout your day, it starts making an impact on how you talk to yourself and feel internally.

Chardét (25:54)
This is where you talk about this a lot for the body on this show, like the small ways that you talk to yourself and how that reflects the way you think about your body and the way you look and the way you are. But it’s everything. It’s even deeper, like what you’re saying in terms of the behavior you accept yourself giving, like when you are a fierce raging critic of yourself, then opens you up.

to accept it from other people, right? Because you do it all the time. I mean, we have how many thoughts a day and if 90 % of them are detrimental like this, priming you for that mistreatment from someone else.

Mariana (26:27)
And it happens everywhere. I have this story where I was in college and I was working three jobs and my mom was going through, you know, breast cancer treatment and I was feeling the lowest. I had transferred schools. I just wasn’t feeling the best and I felt I just need to make one friend, right? Because I didn’t have any friends in that school. And the one friend that I met, she talked to me so just…

badly would tell me, my god, you’re so stupid or you’re ugly, but like joking around and in that way. And I was like, that’s just how she is. Cause I wasn’t feeling good inside. And I, two of my friends were visiting and they met this friend and we were all interacting. And after they stepped me aside and they said,

We don’t like the way she talks to you, but I didn’t see it, right? I thought it was, oh, she’s just joking around. I accepted it. But it wasn’t until I really just saw it through other people’s perspective too. Okay, you’re right. This isn’t good. And I stepped out of it. So yes, it can happen in friendships too, right? Abuse can happen within friendships as well.

Chardét (27:23)
Yeah, I would say that even in friendships, it’s easier to fall into that trap because you’re not as diligent or like filtering as much as you would do for your romance, especially as you get older. So I definitely see that. This is kind of more of a like lighthearted, but still touches on what you’ve been saying. If you’re someone who you are dating or you’re thinking about dating and you want to be able to get a better sense for who someone is from the beginning.

What are one or two questions that you think are really helpful to ask that day?

Mariana (27:58)
What

book has made the most impact in your life? Usually what people consume, they become, right? The shows we watch, the books we read, the people we hang out with. So you can get an insight of what do they really value? Why do they appreciate this book so much? What is in that book? And it gives you a chance to read a new book and really see, right, in detail, okay, what is it that they liked about this? I think that’s a great way. And it’s like an easy question you ask during a day. It’s nothing like, you’re not gonna scare them off. It’s just a question that is…

deep, it’s disguised as more casual, but it can tell you so, much. Thank you.

Chardét (28:34)
for sharing that. So now the question is for you, because we can’t go into more in the limited time that we have and because there is so much that you talk about, where can people find you and what are the different ways that they could work with you as well?

Mariana (28:47)
Yeah,

so people can find me on Instagram and TikTok at Free Spirited Latina. And then I have my website, spiritedlatina.com. And there you can see different resources I have. I have some meditations there for free and people can book coaching calls and a discovery call through there. So everything is on my website, spiritedlatina.com.

Chardét (29:07)
We will include the links to connect with you in the show notes as well. And thank you so much for sharing your story and also some questions that are very helpful. I hope people pick at least one and really use that to maybe get to know someone better or get to know someone new.

Mariana (29:26)
It’s an

honor to be here. Thank you for inviting me.

Chardét (29:28)
Thank you so much for listening. Please share this episode with any women in your life who you feel are so incredible and you really want them to find a partner that lifts them up. And you also want them to see just how powerful they are. These could be the words that make them reflect, make them see, and I will see you in the next one.

Follow Feel Good Naked in your favorite listening app. And if you’ve enjoyed the lessons that you have found here, check out my book, Seven Steps to Feel Good Naked, Health and Body Confidence Without Dieting. I guide you through how to create gentle nutrition.

movement that works for you. Self-care you can do even when you’re busy. This is how you make a roadmap to help without all the struggle. You can find a link to the book in the show notes or you can go to feelgoodnaked.com, Naked Without the E.